So what is normal grieving...

I am a hospice nurse now for a couple of years. It fits my soul and am honored to be able to walk with others to the gates of glory. 

I went to visit a widow and we were going over what is normal.

Let's see. Years ago when someone lost a spouse, they were given a year to 18 months to grieve the loss. Today if you go see a medical professional (MD, NP, PA...) They say that you are depressed and give you a medication, especially if it is new. Really.

Life has cycles and there is nothing wrong with being depressed after you loss something, in fact the opposite is true. It does not matter if it is a spouse, child, job, relationship. Loss is loss. You are supposed to feel sad. How long feeling sad is normal? Define whose normal. 

When I lose in a game, I get over the loss quickly. OK, the competitive in my might not get over it quickly and might challenge you to play again. Circumstances define what is your normal. Loss of something important takes longer to "get over" than something that is not as important to you. 

Reflecting now on my loss of my marriage, it has been 4 1/2 years that a 2x4 hit me. Yes, I know you might say that is not true that nothing is a 2x4. It was and it doesn't matter,  my reality is mine and yours is yours, :). 

I felt like I had lost a spouse because I did. I lost family as I defined it. I lost what I had and it hurts. You have your year of firsts. First holiday without him, first anniversary, first birthday etc... It hurts. The second year you start to come out of your shell and tests the waters again, but not sure you are quite ready. Well year 3, I played. I had fun and was looking to find me... Really that is another post lol... I had fun and was making the most of life. 
PS - if you know me I do that every day. Year 4, I had a friend. It was a great. Someone to do fun things with. It wasn't just about the fun, but about a friendship. 

Here is the truth. Life is about life cycles and the only constant is that things change. My friend has since moved and life changes, again!!! I realize I am going through the same process of grieving. You see it is the process of change and how we handle it. 

When my father died, I realized in my family that we were all in this together, but we were all alone. Each of my children responded so differently to losing the patriarch of the family. No one was wrong, we were all different. We were all together to support each other, but alone: together alone, alone together. 

5 Stages of Grief: Elizabeth Kubler Ross
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

The thing is we may go through those stages more than once and sometimes in different orders. It depends on the how emotionally connected you were to the grief. 

Grief of moving can be exciting or sad. The grief of being single to married, :)... some it is completely joyous and no grief but it is still a loss of a season. Who are you kidding, the kids have it said, "I don't want to adult". They are struggling with the loss of childhood and becoming adults. Like that was even a choice for us so long ago. Yep, now I sound like my parents lol.

Just know that relationships, good and bad, work changes, good and bad, moves, exciting or sad are all apart of life and sometimes we learn to run through phases quickly and other times it is slower, but none of the are wrong. And mostly,!!!! Yes it is normal to be depressed. 

The goal isn't to not be depressed. The goal is to be able to support yourself through life stages and not always search for a quick answer with a drug. Give yourself the time you need and the experiences to continue to grow and love the life you live. 

Expectations!!!

I find myself wondering how often situations are complicated because of expectations, or more rightly addressed as unmet expectations. 

We are headed of to a family cruise. Expectations of family fun and joyous times... 

Truth is how you view your life: happy, sad, stressed, or simple, is based on whether your expectations have been met. 

No matter what, I expect the trip to be fun and full of adventure: poolside, dinner conversations, piano bars, show, and excursions!!! Key West and Sting Rays in Cozumel!!! :)

Communication or lack of communication is a big factor in expectations being met. 

SO life is definitely not easy and definitely not fair.  None the less, I am grateful for all I have but that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't feel hurt and used and unappreciated.

Where should I start....
 First is always BREATHE!!! This allows for oxygen in the brain and time for clarity and wisdom before I speak and react. 
Second is THINK!!! Think before you speak. Don't react but respond....
Third is SMILE!!! thank goodness this is so natural for me, because today the third of things has struck and it is hard to smile... 

Yes, all the problems I have are first world problems but those are the ones I have that are right in front of me... 

REMIND ME: That is a lesson, It is Right in Front of Me.... I digress....

Life is short. 9 days ago my nephew, my nieces significant other, was in a terrible motorcycle accident. It has been a daily walk of faith and encouragement and I am most impressed how grateful my niece is. She is showing gratitude when it is difficult for me and this is her difficult situation. She is grateful for the nurses, for the family and friends and all that she has. She is excited with each wonderful improvement he has. She is an inspiring example.... LOVE YOU JESS!!!

Than I have my own issue of rejection. That is so hard. It reminds me of the priorities I believe in and tried to instill in my children. The hard part is when the each move on and well some of what you taught was not caught. My motto has always been - Do What's Right - Be Your Best!.  God First, Family and friends second and I am third. Be honest, be kind, and honor and respect yourself. Lord thank you that you are in control...

​My first world problem of being a team player. Don't mistake my team playing and be kind as being weak...

Thank Goodness! Each day is a new start to a new day to... Be Your Best!!!

Thant has been my motto all along. Years ago I did a coaching class where we spent 3-5 weeks defining our mission and purpose statements. It is so weird because many years later the same statement still works but my circumstances have changed. That is the value os a mission statement that defines who you are and what you do NO MATTER what. 

Do What's Right  -  Be Your Best has been my family motto as long as I can remember training my kids. "Remember you are a Blum", I would say. I wanted my kids to identify with their family and have that strength behind them to always remember that they can be their best. 

We listened to John Maxwell in church today and I have studied this for the last 3 decades!!! Boy that is a long time and I feel like I have missed the boat. The truth is I did not miss the boat. Two of my three children still have the same priorities. The third, well I see that I taught him to stand strong and never settle. Right now, he is standing so strong and not settling, except his values are not standing with what he believes. You know what you do always speaks louder than what you say you believe. 

It is OK, well it is not but it is not in my control and not worth the worry... That too is what I have taught and now have to practice.  I can only do my best and I cannot control others. If i have done what I could then that is all I can give, my very best. If someone chooses not to accept it. I can accept that too. 

I cannot say that there aren't emotions with that. There is hurt, pain, anger, defensiveness, but I cannot change others I can only control my responses. Also, there are consequences. People are involved, my family, and there is nothing greater for me to protect than my family. Lord, help me to be gracious and merciful like you. I can only say. My heart hurts and someday it will be fine...

So I love learning... It is my favorite thing. I will watch self help, health videos, education videos and more. So I invited my Facebook people to watch Fed Up. Who watched, my mini me! Then she called and said let's do it. Let's make June the month where we conquer this! OK i said, really!!! Don't I know that I am addicted to sugar. EVERYONE knows I am addicted to sugar.

Went out to dinner last week and showed my friends that my dessert would be a tortilla chip covered in sugar. I did really. I put stevia in my water. I put sugar in the pit hole of my avocado. I am Brazilian and sugar is part of EVERY recipe. 

I know the problems with sugar. It is really bad for your liver, pancreas, and so many other health issues. It keeps the body acidic and that allows for bugs... This is another entire post for another day.

So tomorrow I will start with the first of my 10 Day challenges that Fed Up asks and go sugar free.

I have a friend who has just given up cigarettes. I feel for her because I know it is hard. She went cold turkey. Some days are harder than others but she has all our support. I know the same will be for me. 

So, like the mom... Here is the story. Mom  trekked across the country to speak to the prophet and asked him to tell his son to no longer eat sugar. He said absolutely but you must return in two weeks. Seriously she asked, we have just spent three days to get here. His response was "Yes". She returned two weeks later. The boy spent time with the prophet and the prophet told the young man that he should stop eating sugar. The mom returned to him and asked, "Why did you ask us to come back in two weeks?" The prophets response, "Because I had to stop eating sugar." ... So before I can help any one else who wants to stop eating sugar, I guess I too must stop eating sugar. 

Ask to join our Facebook group if you want additional support. Search for "10 Days Sugar Free!!!"


Do What's Right - Be Your Best...
Be Nice Anyway...

Blessings, Vilma

WHO AM I?

•    Registered Nurse (RN)
•    Bachelor of Science, Loyola University
•    Licensed Massage Therapist (LMT)
•    Transformational Life Coach, Holistic (HMBA)
•    Alternative Psychology (M.I.N.D.S.© Holistic Alternative Psychology Master)
•     Life

The “Muscle Whisperer”

It is my mission to impact and heal one person every day. I have always had a passion to serve and heal others. Much of my work has been through touch finding my niche in pain relief. I also enjoy spending time with clients who are looking to improve their life. Life can spin and go into overwhelm, some individuals need someone to talk to or someone to help them improve their health and weight loss. It is my desire to offer coaching and instructing my clients how to take better care of themselves. My desire is to help each one discover, empower, and master becoming the best that you can be.




Call to make your appointment to heal you from the inside out!!!
623-363-6212

www.aotouch.com
www.vilmablum.com
www.ketogratitude.com