I Matter...

Life can throw us many curve balls. I believe that we like and need the curve balls. It keeps us on our toes and keeps life interesting. It is important to maintain balance. People might call it drama, but it is not about drama, it is about the journey of life experiences. 

Mattering to yourself and to others is about one of our basic needs; need for security. If we matter to someone that person will watch out for us. We want to be important enough to be included in that persons priorities. 

We all get busy and perhaps we are too busy to smell the roses. It does feel great when you are a priority in someone's life and time is craved out of a schedule for you. You matter.

You matter. You matter as a parent, child, friend, spouse, sibling... All our relationships that are important matter and we make the time for that individual.

When a relationship fails to support you, it is generally because you are no longer someone who matters to that person. Your complaint might be there is a lack of time, lack of respect, or lack connection, whatever the reason the bottom line is that who you are in that relationship does not matter, or does not matter as it used to. 

We all long to matter in someone's life, to be that special one. 

While you are in search of some one person to matter to you, do not forget that there are those who matter to you. Make the time to see and love the relationships you do have. 

Be grateful. If by chance you are feeling like you are all alone, remember you are not. There is always one who believes in you and you matter to him whether or not he matters to you. 

Jesus searches you out. He wants you to know that you are a priority and that he craves out time for you ANY TIME... As with any relationship, time builds the bonds we need to understand trust, faithfulness, and love. He offers this every minute of every day. 

Breathe - Think - Smile  is the start to finding the quiet support you have from the one who says you matter most. First, breathe is his spirit. He breathes life into you and you must breathe to have clarity. That is to physically as much as it is spiritually. When we have the oxygen flowing we have clarity. When we have the Spirit flowing in us we have clarity. Think is the process of searching for wisdom. It is finding the answers to the clear questions, conflicts, circumstances we needed to breathe for. Smile is to remind us to be grateful. Yes, even in our difficulties there is reason to smile. It build our character. 

Remember if you ever need extra help seeing you situation and finding h=out how to apply Breathe-Think-Smile then feel free to reach out to me. 

Believe the Best....

Breathe - Think - Smile...

So much is at your hand. 

​Beijos, V-

So, I have learned that the happiest couples have this secret for being happy. They always believe the best in each other. When one is late, instead of complaining, "he is always late". She states, "there must be a good reason that he is late". 

This ability to believe the best is a skill when applied changes the perspective on any situation and places the focus on a positive rather than negative in a circumstance. 

What would happen in your life if you could practice this especially with those you interact with most frequently? I know people will say that I have roses glasses. This is where my roses glasses come from. I just always believe the best. 

I practice this with my family and friends. I practice this with those I work with. It is almost like working with the Golden Rule. I want others to believe that I don't do things intentionally to spite you and look for you to fail. 

So, as I was coaching others to believe the best, I had an epiphany. What if I believed this not only in my personal relationships with others but also with God. 

Do I really believe that, that I trust God... Believe the best that God has in store for me. It made me ponder. I may be praying for confirmation and then when I get a different answer than the one I want, can I believe that God's answer is the best. Do I believe the best in/with God?

It becomes a matter of trust. Trust God. Trust yourself. Trust others. 

Yes, I know that is naive. I like my small bubble where I believe the best. It makes my life happy and there is joy in all situations. Yes even the difficult ones. 

Then you must remember to breathe - think - smile.

​Go make your day a FABULOUS DAY...

Ok, so just that title got me interested in Andy Stanley. He is the author of a number of best sellers. The first book I read was "Love, Sex, and Dating". It was a great book and the focus was not to be worried about your partner but to be concerned about yourself. He tripped my trigger because I have always been somewhat of a nerd into finding ways to be a better me. I know!!!!. 

Be the person your looking for is looking for. Focus on becoming that person. There is so much to that. I encouraged my children to read this book because the philosophy is what I had wished I had instilled for them. More poignant is that I was not the role model I should have been the first few years after my divorce. Hmm, that is still odd. 

I want a new relationship and I don't have the old one but I am in a weird place. This happens to me as I start to focus on trying to become my best. As I come back to this focus then I also question my quest for my purpose and who am I supposed to help. Then I fall into a loop of what is next. 

Next was the next series I watched from Andy Stanley. Now, I read the first book and then watched the series as he presented it. Then I read his book, "Enemies of the Heart" or previously released as "It came from within". 

All I can say is that here is where my focus has begun and I am so glad to have binged watched Andy Stanley, when others binge watch on Netflix. 

So if you choose to read, fabulous.... 

If not these are fabulous series to watch to BE YOUR BEST!!!

Love, Sex, and Dating..
http://northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating/the-right-person-myth/

Enemies From Within...
http://northpoint.org/messages/what-happy-couples-know/nothing/

Third Video...
http://northpoint.org/messages/me-and-my-big-mouth/quick-to-listen/


Now, Be Your Best... waiting for him to come...

​

So what is normal grieving...

I am a hospice nurse now for a couple of years. It fits my soul and am honored to be able to walk with others to the gates of glory. 

I went to visit a widow and we were going over what is normal.

Let's see. Years ago when someone lost a spouse, they were given a year to 18 months to grieve the loss. Today if you go see a medical professional (MD, NP, PA...) They say that you are depressed and give you a medication, especially if it is new. Really.

Life has cycles and there is nothing wrong with being depressed after you loss something, in fact the opposite is true. It does not matter if it is a spouse, child, job, relationship. Loss is loss. You are supposed to feel sad. How long feeling sad is normal? Define whose normal. 

When I lose in a game, I get over the loss quickly. OK, the competitive in my might not get over it quickly and might challenge you to play again. Circumstances define what is your normal. Loss of something important takes longer to "get over" than something that is not as important to you. 

Reflecting now on my loss of my marriage, it has been 4 1/2 years that a 2x4 hit me. Yes, I know you might say that is not true that nothing is a 2x4. It was and it doesn't matter,  my reality is mine and yours is yours, :). 

I felt like I had lost a spouse because I did. I lost family as I defined it. I lost what I had and it hurts. You have your year of firsts. First holiday without him, first anniversary, first birthday etc... It hurts. The second year you start to come out of your shell and tests the waters again, but not sure you are quite ready. Well year 3, I played. I had fun and was looking to find me... Really that is another post lol... I had fun and was making the most of life. 
PS - if you know me I do that every day. Year 4, I had a friend. It was a great. Someone to do fun things with. It wasn't just about the fun, but about a friendship. 

Here is the truth. Life is about life cycles and the only constant is that things change. My friend has since moved and life changes, again!!! I realize I am going through the same process of grieving. You see it is the process of change and how we handle it. 

When my father died, I realized in my family that we were all in this together, but we were all alone. Each of my children responded so differently to losing the patriarch of the family. No one was wrong, we were all different. We were all together to support each other, but alone: together alone, alone together. 

5 Stages of Grief: Elizabeth Kubler Ross
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

The thing is we may go through those stages more than once and sometimes in different orders. It depends on the how emotionally connected you were to the grief. 

Grief of moving can be exciting or sad. The grief of being single to married, :)... some it is completely joyous and no grief but it is still a loss of a season. Who are you kidding, the kids have it said, "I don't want to adult". They are struggling with the loss of childhood and becoming adults. Like that was even a choice for us so long ago. Yep, now I sound like my parents lol.

Just know that relationships, good and bad, work changes, good and bad, moves, exciting or sad are all apart of life and sometimes we learn to run through phases quickly and other times it is slower, but none of the are wrong. And mostly,!!!! Yes it is normal to be depressed. 

The goal isn't to not be depressed. The goal is to be able to support yourself through life stages and not always search for a quick answer with a drug. Give yourself the time you need and the experiences to continue to grow and love the life you live. 

Expectations!!!

I find myself wondering how often situations are complicated because of expectations, or more rightly addressed as unmet expectations. 

We are headed of to a family cruise. Expectations of family fun and joyous times... 

Truth is how you view your life: happy, sad, stressed, or simple, is based on whether your expectations have been met. 

No matter what, I expect the trip to be fun and full of adventure: poolside, dinner conversations, piano bars, show, and excursions!!! Key West and Sting Rays in Cozumel!!! :)

Communication or lack of communication is a big factor in expectations being met. 

SO life is definitely not easy and definitely not fair.  None the less, I am grateful for all I have but that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't feel hurt and used and unappreciated.

Where should I start....
 First is always BREATHE!!! This allows for oxygen in the brain and time for clarity and wisdom before I speak and react. 
Second is THINK!!! Think before you speak. Don't react but respond....
Third is SMILE!!! thank goodness this is so natural for me, because today the third of things has struck and it is hard to smile... 

Yes, all the problems I have are first world problems but those are the ones I have that are right in front of me... 

REMIND ME: That is a lesson, It is Right in Front of Me.... I digress....

Life is short. 9 days ago my nephew, my nieces significant other, was in a terrible motorcycle accident. It has been a daily walk of faith and encouragement and I am most impressed how grateful my niece is. She is showing gratitude when it is difficult for me and this is her difficult situation. She is grateful for the nurses, for the family and friends and all that she has. She is excited with each wonderful improvement he has. She is an inspiring example.... LOVE YOU JESS!!!

Than I have my own issue of rejection. That is so hard. It reminds me of the priorities I believe in and tried to instill in my children. The hard part is when the each move on and well some of what you taught was not caught. My motto has always been - Do What's Right - Be Your Best!.  God First, Family and friends second and I am third. Be honest, be kind, and honor and respect yourself. Lord thank you that you are in control...

​My first world problem of being a team player. Don't mistake my team playing and be kind as being weak...

Thank Goodness! Each day is a new start to a new day to... Be Your Best!!!

Thant has been my motto all along. Years ago I did a coaching class where we spent 3-5 weeks defining our mission and purpose statements. It is so weird because many years later the same statement still works but my circumstances have changed. That is the value os a mission statement that defines who you are and what you do NO MATTER what. 

Do What's Right  -  Be Your Best has been my family motto as long as I can remember training my kids. "Remember you are a Blum", I would say. I wanted my kids to identify with their family and have that strength behind them to always remember that they can be their best. 

We listened to John Maxwell in church today and I have studied this for the last 3 decades!!! Boy that is a long time and I feel like I have missed the boat. The truth is I did not miss the boat. Two of my three children still have the same priorities. The third, well I see that I taught him to stand strong and never settle. Right now, he is standing so strong and not settling, except his values are not standing with what he believes. You know what you do always speaks louder than what you say you believe. 

It is OK, well it is not but it is not in my control and not worth the worry... That too is what I have taught and now have to practice.  I can only do my best and I cannot control others. If i have done what I could then that is all I can give, my very best. If someone chooses not to accept it. I can accept that too. 

I cannot say that there aren't emotions with that. There is hurt, pain, anger, defensiveness, but I cannot change others I can only control my responses. Also, there are consequences. People are involved, my family, and there is nothing greater for me to protect than my family. Lord, help me to be gracious and merciful like you. I can only say. My heart hurts and someday it will be fine...

So I love learning... It is my favorite thing. I will watch self help, health videos, education videos and more. So I invited my Facebook people to watch Fed Up. Who watched, my mini me! Then she called and said let's do it. Let's make June the month where we conquer this! OK i said, really!!! Don't I know that I am addicted to sugar. EVERYONE knows I am addicted to sugar.

Went out to dinner last week and showed my friends that my dessert would be a tortilla chip covered in sugar. I did really. I put stevia in my water. I put sugar in the pit hole of my avocado. I am Brazilian and sugar is part of EVERY recipe. 

I know the problems with sugar. It is really bad for your liver, pancreas, and so many other health issues. It keeps the body acidic and that allows for bugs... This is another entire post for another day.

So tomorrow I will start with the first of my 10 Day challenges that Fed Up asks and go sugar free.

I have a friend who has just given up cigarettes. I feel for her because I know it is hard. She went cold turkey. Some days are harder than others but she has all our support. I know the same will be for me. 

So, like the mom... Here is the story. Mom  trekked across the country to speak to the prophet and asked him to tell his son to no longer eat sugar. He said absolutely but you must return in two weeks. Seriously she asked, we have just spent three days to get here. His response was "Yes". She returned two weeks later. The boy spent time with the prophet and the prophet told the young man that he should stop eating sugar. The mom returned to him and asked, "Why did you ask us to come back in two weeks?" The prophets response, "Because I had to stop eating sugar." ... So before I can help any one else who wants to stop eating sugar, I guess I too must stop eating sugar. 

Ask to join our Facebook group if you want additional support. Search for "10 Days Sugar Free!!!"


Do What's Right - Be Your Best...
Be Nice Anyway...

Blessings, Vilma