Life Lessons...
As I review the past 4 1/2 years there are lessons that hit me my first year after a 2x4 hit me from out of the blue...
Some will say that there is nothing out of the blue....
Did your cardiac issues come out of the blue?
Nope, your condition came because of the choices you made in exercise, food, and stress. Somehow, though for some of us that did come out of the blue because we did not see the consequences.
Did my relationship actually end with a 2x4?
Nope, not really. It was years of consequences based on the choices we both had made. Unfortunately, I was in a different place than he was and from my perspective at the time I was in a happy place, apparently so was he. He was just somewhere else.
So that being said everything has consequences. How does they saying go? "You are FREE to choose, but you are NOT FREE from the CONSEQUENCE of your Choice."
Wow, reflection is so cathartic. It always you to revisit episodes in your life and review the good, the bad, and the ugly. Wisdom leads us to learn from them. Critical thinking helps us to become better people because we can see the error of our ways and find the joys in what we did right.
Some will say that there is nothing out of the blue....
Did your cardiac issues come out of the blue?
Nope, your condition came because of the choices you made in exercise, food, and stress. Somehow, though for some of us that did come out of the blue because we did not see the consequences.
Did my relationship actually end with a 2x4?
Nope, not really. It was years of consequences based on the choices we both had made. Unfortunately, I was in a different place than he was and from my perspective at the time I was in a happy place, apparently so was he. He was just somewhere else.
So that being said everything has consequences. How does they saying go? "You are FREE to choose, but you are NOT FREE from the CONSEQUENCE of your Choice."
Wow, reflection is so cathartic. It always you to revisit episodes in your life and review the good, the bad, and the ugly. Wisdom leads us to learn from them. Critical thinking helps us to become better people because we can see the error of our ways and find the joys in what we did right.
Lesson One from Opa...
Alone Together and Together Alone:
I learned this when I watched my family respond to the news that my father had died. This is a lesson that I probably saw over and over in my life with my children and even with my siblings as I was growing up. It was just so evident now. Each of my children had such a different response to the news. Brandon was stoic. He is a lot like my father. He does not wear his emotions on his sleeve. He was a young boy and was part of Civil Air Patrol. This program taught him to not show emotions and to control them. I do know in the military this is a necessary part of life, but I so wanted him to be able to express his emotions. He is my first born and sometimes being the tough guy is part of that personality. He finally let his emotions out at the service for my father when we were all together in the church. Jacob, I am sure punched something somewhere in Kansas. That is his first response. He was so far away and coming home was not easy for him. Jacob, in a family of first borns [ Dad, is an only, Mom is a first born, brother is a first born, and baby sister is 5 years younger and the first girl, a first born], is our fun maker. He keeps the first borns from being so uptight. At least he tries. He was emotional from the news and finds many memories in the little nuances of life that remind him of my dad and he needs his space. Victoria, well she is a girl and yes we cry. In this house though, girls don't cry. We are tough. My Uncle, dad's youngest brother and his mini-me, looks and sounds just like my dad. She had never met Uncle Peter. He hugged on her and said hello and she freaked! Really, it was as if her Opa was right there. We are strong women in my family and she was learning to be strong.
I watched my niece with my sister. They each alone but together. Then they would joined the family and together alone we stood. My brother beside my mom. Together, but alone.
It is amazing. Long ago I learned that distance did not change conditions of circumstances either. It intensified the issues and feelings. What was good was better and more appreciated and what was bad, well it just got worse. Emotional events set triggers and responses. Wedding usually a great place to celebrate. Funerals, actually do the same. Although we mourn for our loss, we celebrate for the time we had together and the reunion we look forward to.
Five months before dad died, he knew he was getting weak and his time was short. He told me and my siblings, "Mourn but one day for me and then honor God and finish your work in this world." It is amazing when he passed the mourning was different for each of us, but each of us felt the peace that only God provides.
Lesson One: We are One Family - All together and all alone. Respect each other and love each other where you are. What matters most is that we are Alone Together.
I learned this when I watched my family respond to the news that my father had died. This is a lesson that I probably saw over and over in my life with my children and even with my siblings as I was growing up. It was just so evident now. Each of my children had such a different response to the news. Brandon was stoic. He is a lot like my father. He does not wear his emotions on his sleeve. He was a young boy and was part of Civil Air Patrol. This program taught him to not show emotions and to control them. I do know in the military this is a necessary part of life, but I so wanted him to be able to express his emotions. He is my first born and sometimes being the tough guy is part of that personality. He finally let his emotions out at the service for my father when we were all together in the church. Jacob, I am sure punched something somewhere in Kansas. That is his first response. He was so far away and coming home was not easy for him. Jacob, in a family of first borns [ Dad, is an only, Mom is a first born, brother is a first born, and baby sister is 5 years younger and the first girl, a first born], is our fun maker. He keeps the first borns from being so uptight. At least he tries. He was emotional from the news and finds many memories in the little nuances of life that remind him of my dad and he needs his space. Victoria, well she is a girl and yes we cry. In this house though, girls don't cry. We are tough. My Uncle, dad's youngest brother and his mini-me, looks and sounds just like my dad. She had never met Uncle Peter. He hugged on her and said hello and she freaked! Really, it was as if her Opa was right there. We are strong women in my family and she was learning to be strong.
I watched my niece with my sister. They each alone but together. Then they would joined the family and together alone we stood. My brother beside my mom. Together, but alone.
It is amazing. Long ago I learned that distance did not change conditions of circumstances either. It intensified the issues and feelings. What was good was better and more appreciated and what was bad, well it just got worse. Emotional events set triggers and responses. Wedding usually a great place to celebrate. Funerals, actually do the same. Although we mourn for our loss, we celebrate for the time we had together and the reunion we look forward to.
Five months before dad died, he knew he was getting weak and his time was short. He told me and my siblings, "Mourn but one day for me and then honor God and finish your work in this world." It is amazing when he passed the mourning was different for each of us, but each of us felt the peace that only God provides.
Lesson One: We are One Family - All together and all alone. Respect each other and love each other where you are. What matters most is that we are Alone Together.
Lesson Two from Opa...
No One Can Take Your Place:
I have a friend whose wife was dying. He and I were going through difficult times at the same time. I wanted so much to take the pain away from him. I couldn't. My mom was hurting and missing my dad so much after he passed, They were together since she was 15 years old. I wanted so much to take away her pain. I couldn't. I am a mom to three wonderful children. Anytime any one of them was hurting, I wanted to take the pain away. I couldn't. I didn't mean to cause them pain with our divorce. I wanted to take the pain away. I couldn't.
You see, we each go through our circumstances and choose to learn and grow from the experience. Sometimes we fight it and need to go through the grief cycle: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In fact, our life is a process of going through this cycle. Sometimes it is a quick journey and other times not so quick. It takes practice.
Here is the thing. I could try and take your pain away, but this is your journey of learning and discovering your needs. I could not take the place of my friend. It was his job to support his wife through her battle of cancer. I could not take the place of my father. I could be there for my mom, but as her daughter not her life partner. With my kids and I we each needed to go through the pain of the family change on our own and support each other through the transformation, but I could not take it away from the. Each of the journeys we take are our own to take. Each one is important.
So how is it that we progress through our life journeys. Actually, for me it takes hope. How does hope fit into all of this you ask? Good question, :)
Christ died for you and for me. The night before he died, he was praying not my will but yours be done. He did not want to go to the cross, but he knew that it would bring hope for you and me. I am in awe of this sacrifice for me. His role was to die on the cross. As I think about the pain and hurting he endured, I want to take that away from him. I cannot. That was his purpose. I could not take his place any more than I could take the place for my friend, my mom, or my children.
We each have a purpose in this life. We can struggle to find it. We can find joy and happiness along with struggles and sadness. It is our unique journey and along the way we have support from our friends and family around us. Isn't it amazing that the people beside you were there for you in just the right time. We have friends for different seasons. Some are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The truth is they are here to support your journey not replace it.
My hope is that you know, that no matter what part of your journey you are on; the good, the bad, or the ugly, you remember who has your back. God does. Sometimes you need a friend and sometimes you must be the friend. Whichever it is, be the best you can be!
Lesson Two: No one can take your place! Have hope in knowing God has your back.
I have a friend whose wife was dying. He and I were going through difficult times at the same time. I wanted so much to take the pain away from him. I couldn't. My mom was hurting and missing my dad so much after he passed, They were together since she was 15 years old. I wanted so much to take away her pain. I couldn't. I am a mom to three wonderful children. Anytime any one of them was hurting, I wanted to take the pain away. I couldn't. I didn't mean to cause them pain with our divorce. I wanted to take the pain away. I couldn't.
You see, we each go through our circumstances and choose to learn and grow from the experience. Sometimes we fight it and need to go through the grief cycle: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In fact, our life is a process of going through this cycle. Sometimes it is a quick journey and other times not so quick. It takes practice.
Here is the thing. I could try and take your pain away, but this is your journey of learning and discovering your needs. I could not take the place of my friend. It was his job to support his wife through her battle of cancer. I could not take the place of my father. I could be there for my mom, but as her daughter not her life partner. With my kids and I we each needed to go through the pain of the family change on our own and support each other through the transformation, but I could not take it away from the. Each of the journeys we take are our own to take. Each one is important.
So how is it that we progress through our life journeys. Actually, for me it takes hope. How does hope fit into all of this you ask? Good question, :)
Christ died for you and for me. The night before he died, he was praying not my will but yours be done. He did not want to go to the cross, but he knew that it would bring hope for you and me. I am in awe of this sacrifice for me. His role was to die on the cross. As I think about the pain and hurting he endured, I want to take that away from him. I cannot. That was his purpose. I could not take his place any more than I could take the place for my friend, my mom, or my children.
We each have a purpose in this life. We can struggle to find it. We can find joy and happiness along with struggles and sadness. It is our unique journey and along the way we have support from our friends and family around us. Isn't it amazing that the people beside you were there for you in just the right time. We have friends for different seasons. Some are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The truth is they are here to support your journey not replace it.
My hope is that you know, that no matter what part of your journey you are on; the good, the bad, or the ugly, you remember who has your back. God does. Sometimes you need a friend and sometimes you must be the friend. Whichever it is, be the best you can be!
Lesson Two: No one can take your place! Have hope in knowing God has your back.
Lesson Three from Opa...
Don't Make Angry Decisions - Breathe - Think - Smile
This lesson comes from the wisest man. Solomon was the richest man on earth. God would grant him his wish. He told God he wanted wisdom. Wisdom!!! SO, if the richest man should ask for wisdom how could I go wrong asking for the same thing.
Breathe, Think, Smile is the accumulation of my life of trials and practicing how to process. First, I long ago learned one must not ask for patience. Silly one, if you ask for patience you will be tested in patience. No! Ask for wisdom. The wisdom for the answers, the wisdom for kindness, the wisdom for the resources, just don't ask for patience. I was going to follow the example of the wisest man on earth!
I learned through my divorce that responding in anger did not solve anything. In fact, it caused greater issues and increased the pain and suffering. Don't get me wrong. I was angry and mad and mean and moody. We are human after all and we are expected to have our emotions. What is wrong is to react with our emotions. Yes, I was hurting but by reacting the the taunting temptations and hurtful accusations not only cause me more pain but also everyone in the family. I learned to acknowledge and feel the pain, but I also learned to beg for wisdom on how to respond. Then I put together how it was that I tried to live my life.
Breathe is first because when there is an emergency one needs to think clearly. If we hyperventilate or are short of breath, then we become increasingly more confused. It is a biological fact. So, deep breathe before you say anything.
It improves your clarity.
Think is next. So as you are breathing, this is when you beg for wisdom. Think before you speak. Reaction is what we do instinctively. We are better than instinct. That's why we are human. We are to mature and use our critical thinking skills. Learning to respond instead of reacting can take a lifetime for some. We acknowledge our children as they age for growing from stage to stage. This is where our learning happens, or doesn't in some cases. Responding means you have taken time to think through the process and it is not a knee jerk reaction. Beg for the wisdom to know how to respond to your situation.
Smile is next. Yes, smile even in difficult circumstances. What I find as difficult is not always difficult for someone else and invariably what I think is easy is difficult for another. Also, as I go through whatever it is I try to remember there is someone who has it worse then me. And then I remember the last thing. God has my back. I had a friend tell me that is what i should remember first. Truth! It is who I am, but in struggles and urgent situations or emergencies our bodies need clarity and must remember clarity to make good decisions.
You see good decision do not come out of anger. If I react, I think quickly and sometimes say and do things that are harsh. Wise decision are not made in anger but in thought and response to doing what is right. It may not be easy, but it is a matter of respect for yourself and others. My dad always said, if we wanted to fight we should outside and hit each other. When he heard us fighting with words, he would have us stop. He said, bruises heal, but words can hurt the soul. Be wise and do not hurt yours or others souls. You are too important.
Lesson Three: Don't make Angry Decisions.
This lesson comes from the wisest man. Solomon was the richest man on earth. God would grant him his wish. He told God he wanted wisdom. Wisdom!!! SO, if the richest man should ask for wisdom how could I go wrong asking for the same thing.
Breathe, Think, Smile is the accumulation of my life of trials and practicing how to process. First, I long ago learned one must not ask for patience. Silly one, if you ask for patience you will be tested in patience. No! Ask for wisdom. The wisdom for the answers, the wisdom for kindness, the wisdom for the resources, just don't ask for patience. I was going to follow the example of the wisest man on earth!
I learned through my divorce that responding in anger did not solve anything. In fact, it caused greater issues and increased the pain and suffering. Don't get me wrong. I was angry and mad and mean and moody. We are human after all and we are expected to have our emotions. What is wrong is to react with our emotions. Yes, I was hurting but by reacting the the taunting temptations and hurtful accusations not only cause me more pain but also everyone in the family. I learned to acknowledge and feel the pain, but I also learned to beg for wisdom on how to respond. Then I put together how it was that I tried to live my life.
Breathe is first because when there is an emergency one needs to think clearly. If we hyperventilate or are short of breath, then we become increasingly more confused. It is a biological fact. So, deep breathe before you say anything.
It improves your clarity.
Think is next. So as you are breathing, this is when you beg for wisdom. Think before you speak. Reaction is what we do instinctively. We are better than instinct. That's why we are human. We are to mature and use our critical thinking skills. Learning to respond instead of reacting can take a lifetime for some. We acknowledge our children as they age for growing from stage to stage. This is where our learning happens, or doesn't in some cases. Responding means you have taken time to think through the process and it is not a knee jerk reaction. Beg for the wisdom to know how to respond to your situation.
Smile is next. Yes, smile even in difficult circumstances. What I find as difficult is not always difficult for someone else and invariably what I think is easy is difficult for another. Also, as I go through whatever it is I try to remember there is someone who has it worse then me. And then I remember the last thing. God has my back. I had a friend tell me that is what i should remember first. Truth! It is who I am, but in struggles and urgent situations or emergencies our bodies need clarity and must remember clarity to make good decisions.
You see good decision do not come out of anger. If I react, I think quickly and sometimes say and do things that are harsh. Wise decision are not made in anger but in thought and response to doing what is right. It may not be easy, but it is a matter of respect for yourself and others. My dad always said, if we wanted to fight we should outside and hit each other. When he heard us fighting with words, he would have us stop. He said, bruises heal, but words can hurt the soul. Be wise and do not hurt yours or others souls. You are too important.
Lesson Three: Don't make Angry Decisions.
Lesson Four from Opa...
It is not the mistakes we make, it is the response to the mistake
This wisdom came from my son. He stated to his sister, it is not the mistake you make that defines you, it is the response to the mistake. Man up and be accountable for the mistake. Learn from it and make a change. Simple truth. Own your part of the circumstance and be responsible for yourself. You cannot control others but you have absolute control of you.
Lesson Four: You are responsible for you, 100% of the time.
This wisdom came from my son. He stated to his sister, it is not the mistake you make that defines you, it is the response to the mistake. Man up and be accountable for the mistake. Learn from it and make a change. Simple truth. Own your part of the circumstance and be responsible for yourself. You cannot control others but you have absolute control of you.
Lesson Four: You are responsible for you, 100% of the time.
Lesson Five from Opa...
God forgives and forgets, I will do my job to forgive
Forgiveness is hard for us. We make it more complicated than it need be. Love is a choice. There are different types of love: philos, eros, and agape. Philos is a friendship love. Eros is romantic love. Agape is God's unconditional love. Love is a choice. Sometimes we have friends and even choosing to maintain the friendship and live with philos is a choice we make. If the relationship is negative, we can choose to walk away. We can still love, but not have to expose ourselves to the negative impact of the relationship. Truth is that forgiveness is also a choice. God asks us to come to the cross and leave our burdens there. He will forgive us of our sins. He says as far as the east is from the west, He remembers no more. So God forgives and then forgets. Now me, well I have learned to forgive. I make the decision to let it out of my life and not impact me negatively any more. I have not forgotten. I have learned the lesson and then need to move on. The problem is that sometimes we take our problems and sins back with us rather than leaving them at the cross. At the cross, it stays forgiven and forgotten. When I choose to pick it up again, I relive the hurt and the pain and have to walk through the forgiveness process all over again. Do it once. Make the decision and stand firm. God forgives and forgets, I will forgive and leave it with Him.
Lesson: leave my sin at the cross. God forgives and forgets.
Forgiveness is hard for us. We make it more complicated than it need be. Love is a choice. There are different types of love: philos, eros, and agape. Philos is a friendship love. Eros is romantic love. Agape is God's unconditional love. Love is a choice. Sometimes we have friends and even choosing to maintain the friendship and live with philos is a choice we make. If the relationship is negative, we can choose to walk away. We can still love, but not have to expose ourselves to the negative impact of the relationship. Truth is that forgiveness is also a choice. God asks us to come to the cross and leave our burdens there. He will forgive us of our sins. He says as far as the east is from the west, He remembers no more. So God forgives and then forgets. Now me, well I have learned to forgive. I make the decision to let it out of my life and not impact me negatively any more. I have not forgotten. I have learned the lesson and then need to move on. The problem is that sometimes we take our problems and sins back with us rather than leaving them at the cross. At the cross, it stays forgiven and forgotten. When I choose to pick it up again, I relive the hurt and the pain and have to walk through the forgiveness process all over again. Do it once. Make the decision and stand firm. God forgives and forgets, I will forgive and leave it with Him.
Lesson: leave my sin at the cross. God forgives and forgets.
Lesson Six from Opa...
Reap What You Sow
Seems like such an obvious statement. Plant corn and see a corn stalk. Plant an apple see an apple tree. Logical. Plant seeds of negativity and reap relationships with negativity. Plant seeds of blessings and reap rewards of blessings. Lesson done, easy enough.
Be strong enough that if you are planted in a garden with many weeds you can make a decision. Next season move your seeds to another garden or oil the soil and plant better in your yard. Be strong and courageous and do what is necessary. You have it in your power to make that decision.
Don't like your fruits. Change your garden.
Reap what you sow; you are responsible for your garden.
Seems like such an obvious statement. Plant corn and see a corn stalk. Plant an apple see an apple tree. Logical. Plant seeds of negativity and reap relationships with negativity. Plant seeds of blessings and reap rewards of blessings. Lesson done, easy enough.
Be strong enough that if you are planted in a garden with many weeds you can make a decision. Next season move your seeds to another garden or oil the soil and plant better in your yard. Be strong and courageous and do what is necessary. You have it in your power to make that decision.
Don't like your fruits. Change your garden.
Reap what you sow; you are responsible for your garden.
