Do What's Right
Everyone Has A Story… that's what Mama always said
What is your story within your family?
Each of us plays a role, we each have weaknesses and strengths that can make a family or break a family.
When you look back, what do you see? We all have parts of our story that have hurt us or have allowed us to hurt others. We also have parts of our story where we lift others up and others lift us up. How do you want the legacy of your name left behind? Share the story that makes you who you are and be proud of that person.
Here is mine….
I may start from today and work backwards and then tell you at the end how I want the story to end in the future.
VILMA KLASSEN BLUM….
I will always be a Klassen and as I reflect on my mother’s passing so many stories hit my heart. I miss her so much because it is in the telling of my stories that I would learn about who I am and who I become. I loved spending time sharing the stories, the lessons, of my life, of movies, of the bible to help me identify and become a better me. Both my parents helped me establish what was important in my life.
When Daddy died he asked us to be sure to care for mom and be good to each other. He knew that nothing ever mattered more. When I was a kid, he never liked when we fought with words. He said we can forgive punches but that it is very difficult to forgive words. Be good to each other and be able to go to bed and know you have given your best.
Both my parents held high standards. I believe that it was part of each of their stories. Mom, 15, falls in love with an older man. She had to live up to the part and fill in shoes to the wife of a dentist. She was young. She married at 19 and had 3 kids by the time she was 24. Reflect for a moment how grown up were you at 19? She had her brother in law move in with her as a newlywed. He was 12 going on 13. She had to be grown up quick. She fell in love with a man who had a hard life. He lost his dad early in his life. He did not have the strong influence of a good man to raise him. In fact, I later learned he had lots to overcome. People say hurting people hurting hurt people. Well, my dad overcame that. He never hurt us. It was his desire to give us the best. The best that he could with all that he knew how.
Were there disappointments? Absolutely. Smiling, the one I think of that makes me smile today is the time we all sat in the window looking for him, my dad, to come home. My Oma from Brazil was visiting and we were to go to the ice capades. He was reminded in the morning of our excursion.
We patiently watched at the window. The weather was terrible. It was raining and storming. He drove home and we were so grateful he was safe. We were all terribly disappointed. I can say I don’t remember that my mama fought with him over that. The emotions were enough.
Dad and mom gave us the best they could with all they had. Dad always reminded us that it didn’t matter where we lived and what kind of house we lived in as long as we were together and that the family meant everything.
We left Brazil. We left half of our family. We had family close: his brother, our cousins, mom and dad’s cousins. We visited every weekend. It was family time. Mom lived for the entertaining and bringing the family together.
Mom’s passion shined in the pride she had for her family. It meant everything to her. I know she and dad had some wonderful vacations. It was a struggle for her to go without the kids. Once we grew up and began to have families of our own mama and I continued to build the family and the family trips. The family trips, now that is where mama shined!!! She had such joy to see us all. We are a handsome family.
We each struggled in our own way in trying to build a new family and not leave the old family dissembled. Before I go on, I want to say how much my brother and sister mean to me. I cannot do life without them. That is a part of my legacy I certainly hope one day my kids will be able to say to each other as well.
We each have our own version of the story we grew up in. We reflected back that we don’t always have insight to each other’s story at the time it happens. What makes us special is that we are here for each other now and that our stories, however different and from whatever point of view, helped us grow to be strong for each other still maintaining the core values this family has always had: Faith, Family, and Fun!!!
Dad and mom left Brazil and built their family on their own. Yes, they each had a family unit they left from. They each valued their families. It does not mean that they agreed on all the decisions but they learned to understand and respect each family as it grew.
Dad had a brother that was angry with the family for the destruction of the family. There were four boys and not one lived close to the other. It took over 20 years for the 4 brothers to get together at the same time.
Mom lost a sister and had her twin return back to the family unit in Brazil and we continued with our journey in the USA.
Each family unit grows and makes decision. It is not about our circumstances but the responses to the circumstances that count.
I married, not as young as my mom, but young. I had the perfect life. It was far from perfect but we worked hard at it. I had two children and then pulled my roots to do as my own parents did. We left and I had one more blessing, my girl. I realized distance does not change circumstances or emotions or personalities, it intensifies them. What was good became better, what was bad became worse.
As a child, my mother stated that I was stubborn, I was a perfectionist, and I always was right. I later told her that those were the character traits that lead to perseverance, eye to detail, and finding success. I was told by a friend I always see through rosy glasses, recently the comment was that I find sunshine out my ass.
All of that leads me to say, I learned to define who I am. Long ago with my mama, I learned to write my mission statement and my motto. My mission statement: My mission is to assist others to discover, empower, and master becoming the best the can be maintaining respect, honesty, and integrity in all I do.
Wow!!! I wrote this as a mom and realized I could use it forever. Today, I am so glad to rewrite it here and see it. It is a great reminder of what it is I am meant to do.
I am done raising kids. Although that was my mission as a mom I see that it is still who I am no matter where: work, relationships, or my family. It doesn’t change, it is reflected in all walks of my life.
My motto is to “Do what’s right, be your best, believe the best, and be kind”
My story had heartbreak 6 years ago. The Cinderella story of my story fell apart. I stand alone. I miss the man standing beside me standing up for what I believe in and who I have become. I do miss the picture of a complete family.
What is a complete family? My children still have a mother and a father. I can stand beside their dad and know he is doing the best he can with who he is. Is it who they want him to be? I don’t know, that is not part of my story. In my story, we are broken as a couple but not as parents. He is there for his children and who doesn’t want that for their kids. He now stands up for me as their mom. What mother doesn’t want that from the father of her children? Yes, my heart is scarred from a break that took both of us to make. It has taken both of us to rebuild the bridge.
In my story, I have learned to be strong and rebuild what I thought I lost into something that is strong. I am proud of the attributes that I attained to overcome the obstacles along the way. In my missions statement are my core beliefs: Respect, honesty, and integrity in all I do and all I am. That is the true legacy I wish for my children.
I want them to be able to stand firm and know that they care a child of God who matters. You matter to me. You matter to your dad and every other family member in our circle. Mostly, YOU matter to GOD!!!
My story continues as Mama B gives her 6 Rules to life: Hello, Good bye – Thank You and You’re Welcome, I’m Sorry and I love you.
Each of my kids will build his own life. Each will have to conquer over mountains. Some struggles are self-made others are unfortunate circumstances we have to overcome. The most I can hope for is what daddy said at my wedding, “We gave the wings so that they can fly.” Now kids fly to new grounds and be the best that you can be.
How do I want my story to end? Just like my mama’s. My mama even made death magical.
We were not fortunate enough to watch our grandparents grow old. Shoot, we were not even there when daddy died. Mama was a strong woman to have walked by his side alone all those months. She was a special woman. Mama had a magic touch to bringing the family together. She did it when daddy died and not only once but twice in her time.
Mama’s last days were magical. Mama had a family who loved, who played, and knew that when it matters we were all together. We sang, we prayed, and we felt from our hearts. Vivi said it best. We love so big that our sorrows are big too.
Mama I miss you!!!! But if I can be half the mama you were then I will have achieved much….
Vilma loves her family. All she does is to honor God.